A friend of mine described waiting as active, and I feel that combination describes me quite well.
I am waiting. So incredibly ready to be in Japan. Every time I hear another story from Japan (no matter how amazing or heart-breaking), share my stories from Japan, or tell about my calling, my heart burns and leaps with desire. My spirit is all at once joyful, eager, and restless. It's a weird feeling, but a good one. And as the Spirit oozes a comforting chill of comfort, patience, and assurance, I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be now, and the burn is just a healthy assurance that soon, I will go. Trusting and submitting to the peace of God. I am waiting.
But thankfully, that trusting and peaceful waiting does not mean sitting around. It means praying without ceasing for Japan and for my support-raising journey, and it means acting. Telling everybody I can about Japan, and what God is doing there. It means swallowing the lump in my throat and asking others to give money so I can go. Emails, phone calls, big group talks, letters, meetings, one-on-one conversations. It means studying Japanese, and practicing music. And sometimes hardest of all, it means living where I am right now; actively loving who I am with right now; not getting so caught up in the tomorrow that I ignore today. I am active.
We must "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD" (Psalm 27:14) but also, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work" (1 Chronicles 28:20). It all seems like a weird paradox, but somehow...it works. When I actually do it, it works extremely well.
My sister,
ReplyDeletethis 'active waiting' is indeed one of the most difficult things in mission life. Many have gone before you in this, many will come after you. for those who come after, your steadfastness and faithfulness in waiting will encourage them to persevere. You, Japan, and ripe fields are in my prayers.