"Sabishii!"

“Sabishii!" I can't count the times I have heard (and said) that word this month as short termers, Jacob, and the Lowthers all left for the US (not to mention all the families going on 1 - 3 month trips to the US next month, and a family returning "home" permanently). "Sabishii!" The dictionary says it means “lonely”, “desolate”, or "deserted". It is a one-word exclamation that we are going to deeply miss them. That our world will not be the same, will be lonely, without them in it.

I found myself this morning with a chance to be still, to face the fact that short-termers are gone, Lowthers and Jacob left yesterday, and I feel like I am all alone. They are my coworkers, my friends, my “Japan family”. With MTW Tokyo now officially its own team apart from Chiba, and CAT it's own...thing, I’m technically the only member of my team. There are churches and groups we work with who are still here, and I love all of them…but still I feel alone. Where do I belong? Who will be my "Japan family" now? Who will keep me accountable? Who can I go to to talk about what’s on my heart, in my head; who will assure me there is a reason I’m doing this, that God is working through arts, through us; who will help me with the practical details of having events; who will encourage me to take rest, who will answer all those random little questions, who will be my translators, my mentors, my visionaries? I was crushed by the feeling of loneliness; desolate; deserted.

Feeling sorry for myself, I looked up the kanji for “sabishii”, trying to use study to distract myself from the unpleasant emotions. But God had better plans…

The parts of the kanji commonly used for this word didn't seem particularly interesting. But as I checked the kanji details I saw the other meaning which uses this same kanji is “the death of a priest”. Interesting, right? I looked down at the other kanji option for "sabishii", and was surprised by the simple parts making up the character: the symbol for water, or liquid, beside a cross 汁　and on the right, a tree   木.  The truth in this simple kanji pierced my heart immediately. My Lord, my Great High Priest, died for me. He was hung on a tree, water and blood flowing down from that cross as they pierced His side, bearing the sins of all humanity as the God who is Love turned His back on this beloved Son…that is loneliness. Christ took all our sabishii and more on Himself, so we would never have to bear it. So we would never be truly alone.

I still miss these friends and coworkers, still share sympathetic "sabishii,ne!" with Japanese friends who miss them as much as I do, but my soul is not crushed with despair, my mind no longer racing with worries of how I'll manage this alone. Because I remember now: I'm not alone; my God will never leave me; He'll be the one to watch over me, to take all my cares on Himself.

Remembering that tonight, I can look forward to whatever new adventure will come my way next. And most of all, I can look forward to the day when, thanks to that same cross, all sabishii will be vanquished, forever!